They say a man becomes so attached to his thoughts and ideas because they are the closest he can ever come to giving life to something. A woman can carry a child and give new life in the miracle of birth, and granted, while the male is also necessary for this process to come to fruition, there is a big difference between assisting with conception and the giving of life. So, these things you will find within these pages, I guess you could say are my children, or as close to children as I care to come any time in the near future.
For now, there won't be much on this page, but as time goes on I hope to add quite a bit to this section for your viewing pleasure. Thanks for the patience.
Story of My Life
A Message For Jan
Ponderings of a Madman - 08/26/2002
Time In A Bottle - 09/01/2002
Engagement Excitement - 12/04/2002
The Superfriends - 07/27/2003
Hello, Dad - 01/15/2004
Circumstances have been against me. What I've been and done doesn't even begin to show my true worth. Up until now, if I've had no great love, no great friendship, but that's because I hadn't met a woman who was worthy. The books I'd written hadn't been very good because I hadn't the proper leisure. I haven't had children to devote myself to because I hadn't found a woman with whom I could have spent my life. So there now remains within me, unused and quite viable, a host of propensities, inclinations, possibilities, that one wouldn't guess from the mere series of things I've done. Possibilities I now look forward to embarking upon the exploration of, if only to learn better who and what I am.
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You know what I am going to say. I love you. What others may mean when they use that expression, I cannot tell; what I mean is that I am under the influence of some tremendous attraction, which I have resisted in vain and which overmasters me. You could draw me to fire. You could draw me to water. You could draw me to the gallows. You could draw me to any death. You could draw me to anything I have most avoided. You could draw me to any exposure and disgrace. This and the confusion of my thoughts, so that I am fit for nothing, is what I mean by your being the ruin of me. I love you with everything that I am and will ever be.
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Have you ever found your mind wandering to times gone by? I know mine has. Most frequently this occurs when the sun's final rays have fallen below the horizon and the time for sleep is upon me. Sometimes I find myself thinking about things that should have been, but never were, or things that came to pass, but should never have happened. Sometimes I find myself thinking about people who have come into my life and changed it for the better, or people who have come along and destroyed my world and left me alone to pick up the pieces. Sometimes I find myself thinking about the things I've been given in life, the opportunities and the hardships. But most often, I find myself lying awake at night thinking about the things I've had stolen from me. Things that have been taken from me against my will. Things that were wrenched from my grasp despite every ounce of fight in my being. My own thoughts hold me prisoner, and it is these stolen prayers most especially that keep me awake at night, and that bring tears to dry eyes even through the oceans of time that have since elapsed. These thoughts, the emotions they embody, and the moments of peace they deprive me of, have ravaged my frail soul to the point that now, even the positive recollections evoke feelings of pain and sorrow.
Now, even the good memories hurt.
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I, in my infinite wisdom (sense the sarcasm), have come to the conclusion during my tenure on this planet that the times that we enjoy, that we affectionately refer to as the good times, don't last nearly long enough, while the times we wish would have never happened seem to drag on for an eternity. Sometimes I wish I could keep time in a bottle so I could hold on to the good times, and make them last forever. Or at the very least, release some of the good time to help counteract the bad times I seem to be stuck in. If anyone figures out how to do this, please let me know. I could really use some good times right about now...
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Marriage. Marriage is what brings us together, today. It's funny how everyone seems to have a different reaction to marriage. When I tell them I am getting married, I get a mixed array of responses. Most male acquaintances (read, not close friends) respond with, "Why the hell would you do that?" Most female acquaintances respond with, "When's the big day?" Most of my close male friends are like, "Congrats Matt," while my close female friends all say, "It's about time!" Why is there such an extreme range of reactions? Oh well. I'm going through with it anyway!
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Ok, so those of you who have frequented my AIM profile have probably seen this already. My sister and I have developed a list of celebrities who, whether you realize it or not, you have seen in probably the majority of movies and television you've ever watched. These people truly are the next generation of superheroes. Screw Affleck. Hasselhoff all the way!!!
The New Superfriends...
Ricardo Montalban - The Flash
Hector Elizondo - Hawkman
John Saxon and Jerry Orbach - The Wondertwins
William Shatner - Aquaman
S. Epatha Merkerson - Wonder Woman
Christopher Walken - The Green Lantern
Erik Estrada - Batman
Pat Sajak - Robin
Richard Roundtree - Black Vulcan
And the group's leader... David Hasselhoff as Superman!!!
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Well, it's been exactly five years since you died. There are so many things I am so glad I had the chance to say before you were gone, and yet so many that I didn't as well. A lot of these things I've kept inside for so long, that I don't even know how to say them anymore. I guess I should just start with I miss you. There's a hole in my life that will never be filled, the space where you once were. As time has gone on, I have been able to fill that hole with your memory, but somehow that isn't the same. Every once in a while, I think I see you in a crowd, but you disappear as quickly as I first see you. I like to think that you are still out there, watching over us; Mom, Val, and I. I like to think even more that you are proud of what you see. You played a larger role in shaping who I am than I think either of us will ever be able to comprehend. I may be bigger than you, but I hope I will someday be able to fill your shoes. I just hope that when I look back upon my life, I will leave behind a legacy that I will be proud of, and one that will make you proud. You are my example, my hero. I love you and miss you. I always will. Don't forget about us. We'll never forget you.
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